This is my sincere attempt without any mockery or intentional insult, to put in words the situation and thoughts we go through with a person we love or we pretend to hate.
Start of every relationship is exploration of the other, what he or she likes and dislikes, and our attempts to manufacture ourselves to be the prefect for the other. Nothing wrong in doing so, I believe. It’s the oldest of our instincts to adapt for survival. An image is molded; where we cast ourselves into someone the other likes or likes to see his/her partner as. It is not faking; let me clear this now before you all judge my thought. It is survival. The more you have been alone, the more you have been away from affection and love, the more your attempts to reform will be. You sculpt your clay into shapes of the other.
The clay remains weak.
Once you enter the circle, things become transparent. We see each other’s faults and weaknesses. We see more than what exists as our mind forms an image. An image not of clay but of stone. Concrete and difficult sculpt. This stones are heavy, grinding and crushes you and the other. Love is in midst of storms that forms each moment that you say or stay silent. Welcome to the world of a love manic.
Each moment this manic finds reason to be in that lime light of sourness. Both will attempt their best to have a pain that can be revealed and earned from. Whosoever wins this battle, losses the war of us. But still the manic runs amok with a blade, slashing own souls. No control, no direction, no purpose, just a frenzy of his mind into her world.
What just hit them?
Even they can’t figure out. Each probe into the words leads to a hint that again leads to a new-formed ecosphere of images thriving to defend each other’s pain. No dialogue, only silences skulk. Each day, a routine of word-war continues. Time is spent more on knocking each other down. Love fades into a corner or just becomes a word used without any feeling. Thus began the fade-out period.
Fade-out is not welcomed in any phase of life. One denies its presence in a relationship. Blame games begin. We dig deeper and become harsher just to push the other away thinking we are saving them from the manic in us. Words are profane. Emotions flammable. Love is the new hate. Ignorance is a practice and arguments a routine. Promises are broken and we move towards a self-destructive mode, no hope and extreme anger rule every action.
We see two sides of the same mind.
A mind that loved each little gesture now mocks each little move. Mind that thought living together was the only dream now lives in apprehension of the other’s company. Mind that found solitude in the arms of the other now is dismayed by the touch. Mind that saw bliss now seeks refuge in muteness. The mind runs wild.
Is this the end?
This is what each other cannot answer. None of us could handle rejection. Humans are not made for it. Rejection is nature’s harsh way to set things straight. Thus happened the extinction of several species that were rejected by the nature to survive.
We are here. We are on the verge of extinction. Each struggle deepens the sand beneath and chokes the love left. Smiles are melancholic and cries are muffed. On the edge of a valley of despair and insanity. What we both need (fear) is a push to be extinct. And we ponder who shall push first…
Mind needs to choose a side but does he?
Two sides of a mind are dichotomous. Each has its own world and thoughts. Hanging on the Jacob’s ladder, in midst of a happy heaven and the sorrowful hell. Confused, shattered and aghast by our own actions. Mind plays games and believe us, he is the player. Mind weaves traps. You lose the control. Who is the master, mind or you or your mind… no answer only more stressful questions.
Thus nears the extinction of love.
Wait, there is one thing! One just forgets, the source of love. Your heart. Always been debatable, heart is nothing but muscles that pump blood. But heart is the soul. Mind is dirty, manipulative, complicated and losses control. Heart is pure, hopeful and knows only love. In the battle of egos, we are deaf to what heart says. Hear it. He will lead you. Prayers from heart are always heard. Mind has wants, heart has affection, mind has greed, heart is a giver, mind has games and heart has peace of soul.
I once said, mind that heart or it shall master you but now I believe heart is more mindful. Heart will lead you to a place where two right sides of the mind can reside in peace, joy and eternal happiness.